i'm sorry i can't make you see who i am

i'm done with all this bullshit. i wish everything just went right. this is so stupid. who am i kidding anymore?

if i drown tonight, bring me back to life

this sucks. it just fuckin plain sucks. if anyone cared that much, they would do something about it.

do these dreams have any meaning?

i wish i could believe half the things you say.

everybody scream your heart out

and the paranoia is a major side effect. hasn't ever been this bad before. been shaking a lot too. i feel like i'm on crack or some shit. i don't know anything else. i don't know what to do anymore. before i would have known, but now i don't. i need so much help but i don't know who to turn to. i'm so lost.

i love the way that we laughed until we cried, danced until we died

never in my life have i wanted to meet someone so badly. i just want to talk to him. just sit down, talk, and reflect on the things we've done, the things we're doing, and the things we're going to do. such an intellectual person. he knows religion like it's his job. i feel that he could restore my faith as a christian. i can relate to him. he speaks on a level that i know, the level of music. i truly honestly believe that he could change my life. and it's one of my main goals in life to meet him. to even have the chance to talk to him.

i plan on meeting aaron gillespie someday. i really do.

and i rationed my breaths as i said to myself that i'd already taken too much today

i screwed up. i caved. and now i can't stop. help me.

without you next to me i toss and turn like the sea

why do i always do this? it's not like i have any chance. but i can't stop thinking about it. i really honestly can't. and i don't know what to do about it.