please tell mom this is not her fault

haven't updated this thing in a long ass time. think i'm due.

school starts tomorrow. not really psyched about it. i'm not prepared in the least. this whole week is going to be so hard. my aunt is expected to go this week. i'm so unprepared for that. it's supposed to be that when someone has cancer, you kind of grieve along the way, but i've been in denial. now that it's time, i'm breaking down. it's hard.

this whole summer has been an emotional one for me. everything's just been weighing down on me i guess. i haven't taken it too well, all in all. need to come up with some new coping methods. but i have my bad habits and they're not gonna be easy to break out of. sad to say, but true.

so i prayed for what i though were angels, ended up being ambulances

i don't know anymore.

when i get upset, i feel like i'm going to throw up. i don't know when this started but it's really annoying. and i get upset a lot. so i'm constantly nausceous. if i get really upset i actually do throw up. in the past few days, i haven't had a break from it. it's not fun.

it's alright to tell me what you think about me

this is probably the 20th time i've written this on this stupid thing: i fucked up.
i guess big this time. as was said, i was in a really bitchy mood, i didn't get much sleep, i was tired and when i'm tired, i get cranky as fuck. obviously, no excuse will let me off the hook. so i don't have anything to say. i was just saying what i was thinking and it wasn't good at the time.
sorry for slipping. i'm only human.

i'm happy if you're happy with yourself

i fucked up. again. i caved.

memories that fade like photographs

today i was proven that i pretty much am a worthless piece of shit. i give up. i'm just done with everything. i can't put up a fight anymore. for the past 2 days i've been holding in tears and anger and just so much emotion. i want, need, to let it out. but i don't know how to do that anymore. it's hard.

now the rain is just washing you out of my hair

dear alex bosley,
go fuck yourself. you are the most vile, disgusting person i have ever met in my life. i've said this to a lot of people, but never really meant it. i do with you: rot in hell. stop harrassing my friends just because i wouldn't fuck you. they don't want to see pictures of your measley stub of a dick. don't EVER talk to me or ANY of my friends EVER. AGAIN. i would be the happiest person in the world if you fell off a bridge right now.
no love ever again,
colleen sheehan

i'd hate to watch you cry

honestly, it's the stupidest thing possibly ever. but i'm PMSing and i'm really actually getting upset over it. i feel stupid and teenie-ish, but i really feel like crying.

i'm sorry.

i was switched off like a light; a fighter with no fight

i honestly can't tell if i'm numb or happy. it's been so fucking long since i've been actually happy and had nothing to be worried/scared/angry/sad about, that i've forgotten what it feels like. it's not really enjoyable.

i just can't get anything right, i guess. i'm always upset over something. i'm never really happy.

a foxtrot above my head, a sockhop beneath my bed...

haven't updated here in a bit. idk why.

i started driver's ed today. i was kind of surprised i didn't have to convince my parents. they were pretty set on me not starting it until next summer but i asked today if i could go tonight with my friends and they were all for it. it was quite interesting. my instructor, reds (idk what kinda name that is), is quite a character.

one of my friends from an old lacrosse team is in the same class. it was nice to see her after a long time. she's totally chill.



on a more serious note, the other night i was considering doing something i would have seriously regretted due to my discovering of something earlier in the day. thankfully, i have a bunch of amazing friends that stopped me. and i thank them for that so so so much.