i've been thinking of you guys. yesterday it all just hit really hard. and i haven't been able to get it out of my head. you were my family. you always will be my family. it's been over a year since i talked to you. for all i know, you guys could be dead. but i just don't know.
i know about everything that happened. i found out and i was completely shattered. someone said to me "well, thank god that's over with cause you were doing terrible when you were talking to him."
but she obviously didn't see our connection. i had the best time with you. you were my brother and sisters. i was the auntie. i love you all more than you could ever know. no one will ever be able to replace you.
adam, you're the best big bro anyone could ever ask for, despite what you may think. we had some hard times, but we also had the best times ever. we connected so well. i've never felt that way with anyone else before. i hope i did the same for you. you were there for me when no one else understood what i was going through. you saved my life when i didn't think i could ever go on. i know that it was really hard for me at times, but it wasn't your fault. it was my own. i had the severest depression at the time and i couldn't help myself. but you meant the world to me, and still do. you were there with me on one of the hardest nights of my life, when i had to deal with aunt dying. no one else can say the same. i pray that you're still out there. i could care less about what you did. all i want is my big brother back. i miss you and i love you more than anything in the world.
kay, you were the best friend anyone could ask for. i still replay that night over and over again in my head where you talked me out of doing some terrible things. i miss you so much. you are an amazing person. you could always just talk to me and prevent me from doing the things i knew i would regret. no one could ever replace that. i remember the first time we talked too. i was so nervous because i was close with adam and i didn't know what you were going to think of me. but we became friends and eventually sisters. i still love you. please know that. always know that.
aimie, my mentor. my big whore to look up to. you're probably not even real. i mean, technically, none of you are. but you're still real to me. i wanted to be like you so bad. i wanted us to live together and be like twins. i had my whole life mapped out. i was going to move to london and live with you and everyone else and it was going to be amazing. we were gonna run that town. i know that someone is still out there. and i know i love that someone. i will always love you. you're my family. my perfect little family.
i can only hope that you're all still out there. i can only hope that you're living your lives to the fullest and not pretending to be someone you're not. though you did it to me, i loved those people unconditionally. i still do, even though i know it's not the same. i wish things had never changed. i want everything to be exactly as it was. because i know i can say for myself that those were some of the best times of my life. and no one could ever replace any of those memories. i hope that you are all okay. i really hope that you all will remember me, wherever you are. because i know i could never ever forget any of you. you were my life. please just remember me, duckie colleen, auntie colleen, the mini aimie. your sister. i love you guys.
